Everyday drinking triggers (and how to be mindful of them)

So there’s recently been a heatwave in the UK. My little garden is blooming, there’s sunlight in the office while I work, we can have barbecues for a sunny evening dinner. It’s beautiful.

But is there one little thing missing? A small voice whispers in the back of my mind.

The thing about giving up alcohol, particularly if you struggled to moderate your drinking when you did drink, is that some everyday things will hit that chord for you every once in a while. And when the sun’s out, your inner drinking demon might feel… activated.

I had one of these moments this week. Sat in my lovely garden with my husband cooking us up a BBQ dinner, and for a split second, my chest tightened and heat ran through my limbs at the thought of an alcoholic drink. I’m not going to specify which or glorify like my mind is trying to do. But any, and cold, would do.

So I thought today would be the perfect day to write about everyday drinking triggers, what they might feel like in your body and mind, and how to be mindful of them without letting them take control.

What are drinking triggers?

I would define drinking triggers as any situation that makes us feel the urge to drink. They’re those moments that tempt us, that remind us, that try to seduce us into giving in to them. Whether it’s to “enhance” a pleasant moment, to numb a distressing one, or just merely the opportunity to drink.

In early recovery, I had a lot more triggers than I do now. With much more frequency. Now, when they come up, I notice them, but they pass just as quickly, and I have the skills in my toolkit to cope with them until they do.

Below I’m going to run through some common examples of drinking triggers I’ve noticed in my own life. It’s not an exhaustive list because, well, if you know then you know. Anything can trigger it. But these are some that have been on my mind.

Everyday drinking triggers examples in recovery

Hot weather

I’m UK-based, and here, if the sun is out, so are the tinnies. Parks. Garden parties. Pub beer gardens. Barbecues. Festivals. And all the marketing (and memories) that come with that.

Hot weather can be an unexpected trigger because it was probably when we used to feel the most excused to drink. Everyone drinks when it’s hot. Everyone is day drinking, so I can go off the rails too.

Drinking loves to disguise itself as fun, until it isn’t.

Not when you’re cracking a warm can of dark fruits in bed the next morning, trying to cure the horrors of hangxiety; and you forgot to turn the automatic heating off. Play it forward.

Be mindful of: the desire to romanticise the moment. Pause. Breathe. Cold drinks exist without booze. So do golden hours, garden chairs, BBQs and summer joy; all without the hangover and spiral of physical and mental self-destruction.

TV & movies

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched a character unwind with a glass of wine and felt a twinge. Especially when it’s “aesthetic” drinking; soft lighting, romantic atmosphere and the implication of it being a treat, a release or a reward.

Another day-to-day trigger can be movies/shows I used to love when actively drinking. These can be hard, especially the ones that got us through the worst times. Some of those have reluctantly had to be cut from my regular rotation. (Bojack I’m looking at you.)

Whatever it is, I get it. A lot of the time, it’s romanticised, but even when it isn’t (Ahem… Bojack, again) some things can just be a bit too much. That’s okay, too.

Be mindful of: the illusion of control that media often sells around alcohol. It doesn’t show the messiness, the hangovers, the self-harm, the regret. Remember your real story, not the fictional one you see in front of you. Drink something else that’s cold and refreshing (or even luxurious) but always alcohol-free.

Going out to eat

You sit down, you’re handed the menu, and the drinks list is front and centre. Everyone else orders “just one.” There’s a social script here and breaking that script can feel uncomfortable.

Or maybe it’s not even that, which is often isn’t for me anymore. It’s generally just a deep twinging craving in my core. Maybe some light jealousy. Maybe some not-so-light anxiety.

Whatever it is, it can be a hard one even with years in the bag. Shout-out to the heroes that choose not to drink around us and not make a big deal out of it. I wouldn’t ask; but it doesn’t go unnoticed.

Be mindful of: that small panic that says you’re missing out. You’re not. You’re just shifting the narrative. And honestly? Food tastes better when you’re fully present for it.

A bad day

The pressure valve moment. You’re overwhelmed, burnt out, hurt, or angry, maybe even grieving or experiencing trauma flashbacks, and the thought enters your mind. Jesus, it would be “nice”. But would it really? Of course not!

This is probably one of the most talked about triggers for relapsing on any substance. People drink, and relapse, for a reason. Sometimes it’s innocuous triggers like the others I’ve touched on here, but sometimes the hardest “reasons” to fight the urge through are just the bad days, or, even worse, the really bad days. They’re often why things got so bad with our drinking to begin with.

But we can learn new skills. New ways of coping. And we can get through them without numbing. More on distress tolerance later.

Be mindful of: the urge to fix or numb internal pain with external substances. You might need rest. Or a cry. Or to call someone. Or it might even be time to see a therapist again. But not a drink. It will only make things worse.

A not-so-happy accident

So a quick personal story, a few weeks back me and my husband ordered some small grocery bits from Deliveroo, and our driver just happened to mix up one of our bags with another order, leaving us with… two large bottles of spirits and a four-pack of nice beers. Definitely not the food we had ordered.

As soon as we confirmed we couldn’t get our order redelivered, my husband went and poured the big bottles down the sink. We put the beers away in a cupboard to give to my dad. And that was that.

But when we first saw those bottles; fuck my heart sank to my stomach so fast.

I remember hearing a few stories of sober pals being accidentally served alcoholic drinks after ordering alcohol-free, which I think would also fit in here. Exert your power in this moment now, regardless of accident or “opportunity”, to choose differently for yourself. Don’t give in.

Be mindful that: these not-so-happy accidents create valid, physiological urges along the recovery path, but they are possible to navigate, with care. I’m infinitely grateful to be surrounded by loved ones that can understand the gravity of seemingly innocuous triggers like this and help me thwart them in the small ways that they can.

Someone else drinking

A friend ordering a drink at dinner. A neighbour with a beer in hand. A “team-building” business trip. A family get-together. A wedding. A partner cracking open a cold one at home.

Thankfully this last one is one I won’t ever have to worry about again, but I did experience this frequently when I was newly sober and… let’s just say it didn’t last.

Whoever it is, wherever it is; it might give you the urge. That makes sense. But do not listen to it.

Be mindful of: the comparison trap. Your journey is your own. And if it brings stuff up? That’s okay. Feel it, name it, let it pass. Often it’s not something we can control, and we don’t have to, but if it does keep coming up and is becoming destructive, it might be worth assessing if the relationship is still conducive to health in your life.

Booze-culture chitchat

Work events. Group chats. YouTube videos. Brunch gossip. 9am bloody meetings. It’s everywhere. Especially in the UK. Sometimes, it stings. It stings to be the sober one, when I was the booze culture at one point in my life. I loved the romantic thrill of it. But now? Now, it is not healthy for me to think of it like that, so instead I am the stoic. The bore, some may say, but don’t be reeled in by those judgments.

Recovery is worth a thousand glorified chitchats about who cheated on their spouse and who ended up in A&E that weekend.

Be mindful of: how much of your discomfort is coming from not being seen or understood. Connect with someone who does get it. You’re not alone in this.

Using DBT Skills To Regulate Urges

If you’ve read my other work, you’ll know how much I love DBT and the tools it offers us in recovery. Drinking triggers are no exception. Here are a few DBT-based reminders that continue to help me when a triggering situation or urge hits:

STOP skill

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DBT’s STOP skill is a great first thing to do, as soon as you notice the urge to drink. It creates a mindful pause before you do anything you might regret. Here’s how it works:

• Stop: Literally stop everything you’re doing. Pause. Stay still if you can. Do nothing.
• Take a step back: Physically move yourself away from the current activity if possible. Even just one step. Create space physically and mentally for a moment. Ground yourself.
• Observe: (Part of the mindfulness WHAT skills.) Pause. Notice what’s happening in your body. Say: “I notice the sensations of this craving, and the thoughts that come with it. I can observe the thoughts and know that they are not commands.”
• Proceed mindfully: Consider what would be an effective action to align with your goals and values. Don’t act purely led by the emotion and urge.

Distract with the distress tolerance ACCEPTS skill

Sometimes just taking a moment to be mindful of the urge is enough to redirect our action into something more effective for us. Sometimes, though, the urge is loud and uncomfortable and persistent.

Then, the best thing we can do is redirect our focus until it passes. The DBT Distress Tolerance module teaches us to distract with:

• Activities (go for a walk, journal)
• Contributions (create art, message a sober friend, volunteer)
• Comparisons (remember how far you’ve come)
• Emotions (something that makes you feel a different emotion – happy/relaxing music, or if you’re like me, horror movies)
• Pushing away (mentally shelve it, visualise yourself pushing it away short-term)
• Thoughts (count backwards from 100, try a guided visualization of something unrelated to alcohol)
• Sensations (cold water, spicy food)

It’s important to note that distraction skills should only be used as short-term tools to tolerate distress in the moment of the urge. Distraction skills don’t solve our problems. They don’t help us assess the environments we spend time in, improve the relationships in our lives, or process the underlying issues that lead us to drink. That takes additional problem-solving emotional regulation skills.

This is a great example of how the overall DBT framework provides different skills for different situations, and how mindfulness is really at the core of knowing which skill is the most useful.

Urge Surfing (Ride the Wave)

Urge surfing is all about staying present through the craving, rather than running from it or acting on it. Think of it like watching a wave rise, peak, and fall. You don’t need to jump into it. Stay on your board and ride it out.

• Start by naming it: “This is an urge.”
• Notice the sensations: “There’s heat in my chest. My thoughts feel faster. I feel pressure behind my eyes. Thoughts that “I need this.””
• Stay curious: “What happens if I don’t act on it for 5 minutes? 10?”
• Notice as the sensations of the craving peak and pass. Do they get more intense when you think certain thoughts? Do they feel calmer if you sit with them for a few minutes?

This builds your self-trust muscle. You learn that you can sit through it. You don’t have to give in just because the craving showed up. And if you do ride it out? That’s a huge win. Even if it felt shaky or messy. You did it.

Validating self-talk

Cravings can be loud. Judgment, or worse, invalidation, can be louder. So let’s soften that inner voice.

Self-validation is about recognising that your urge makes sense, without shaming yourself for it. Here are some phrase examples you might use, but try to create some that work for you:

• “It makes total sense that I’m feeling this. I used to drink in moments like this. My body remembers. And at the same time, I don’t have to act on it.”
• “This is so uncomfortable, and it’s also temporary. What can I do to better support myself until it passes?”
• “I’ve done hard things without drinking since my sobriety. I can do this too.”
• “Choosing not to drink is choosing to stay aligned with my own personal goals.”

Your goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be present with whatever’s coming up, without abandoning yourself in the process.

Final thoughts

Whether you’re newly sober or years in, it’s still one day at a time. There will be days where the world brushes up against your recovery in ways that feel hard. Some harder than others.

But every time you choose that mindful place of observation over old patterns? That’s growth. And trust me. It gets easier with time. The urge loses its power to command us, and becomes more of a passing thought and wave of sensation.

You’re allowed to find it tricky. And you’re allowed to feel proud of how you handle it every single time the thought enters your mind. Sobriety is a million tiny moments and choices every day, and every time we choose not to give in, we get a win, and it becomes something to celebrate.

Lizzie 🤍